Failure as Friend and Foe

 DBG & Failure

In an interview this past week, I was talking about DBG and my interviewer told me that the founder had said "adversity breeds opportunity" in a speech at their office that week. The first thing that told me was that my theory must be on the right track since he is a billionaire. Second, I started thinking about times when the discomfort was really negative at first. I've become so accustomed to my own mantra, that I welcome discomfort openly for opportunity it presents to grow. That quote brought me back to times when I didn't have my current attitude; when adversity was being excluded by a group of girls on the grade-school playground, being benched after putting years of my life into a sport, or dozens of rejections to job applications. The kind of adversity that takes a decent amount of time, reflection, and healing to see how it benefited me in the long run. Heartbreaking stuff really. 

My sisters and I were bred for success. Our parents always encouraged us to work a little harder, read a little longer, try new things, etc. The quote "shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars" incites a visceral reaction at its cheesiness, but comes to mind because by the Law of Averages, if I shoot my shot enough, eventually I'll hit the mark. Such repetition of failure and rejection over the course of time creates resilience. No quitting in our household. It certainly wasn't easy; growing up is painful. I know now that I am who I am because of these experiences. 

Nevertheless, as an adult, the world is ripe with choice. I didn't have a choice when I was young; mom or dad were going to take me to piano or softball practice whether I liked it or not. Trying to adhere to routines that I don't want to take part in is much more of a challenge than throughout childhood because I can just.. not.

Because of this, I believe I am more likely to fail when I try to make drastic changes. Reminiscent of the Blood Donation post from last week, small changes need to become habits that build on each other to achieve greater goals. I am not going to go from three years of not lifting after high school to a rigorous five-day split. I will inevitably fail, feel disappointed in myself, and find myself less likely to embark on a journey of meaningful change as a result of the experience. 

I've gotten tired of this routine, the motivation to change something, attempting to change it drastically, failing, feeling dejection/ demotivation, extensive time doing the behavior I initially wanted to change, getting fed up with the lifestyle, motivation, and the cycle goes on. 

Making small changes doesn't feel like enough to satisfy my goals, because it doesn't feel like change immediately enough. Impatience. 

Small changes need to become the new normal which will allow for new small changes that become the new new normal, and the new cycle we are creating will become one of lasting positivity and success. 

For example, I am working with a three-day split getting back into lifting: upper body, lower body, full body. Because I used to lift with much more frequency, intention, and specificity, it feels stupid. But it's attainable. I can feasibly get into the gym three days a week, less than half of it. Every week that I attain that goal, I am more disciplined. I am strengthened and motivated for the next week, and the week after that, and so on goes the cycle of positive, successful change. Eventually, I will be able to add to my goals, so they are indicative of the larger goals I wanted to shoot for from the start.

So yes, failure was a friend to my personal development over time. I still receive rejections from job applications, find myself forgotten in the plans at times, etc., but I know now that it is all for good in the long-term. But not every failure is equal!

Failure is not a friend to me when it is the most likely outcome from the start, and the inevitable reinforces negative behaviors. Why would I set myself up for failure? 

I'm only 22, my personal development is far from over, so I want to set myself up to be the person I envision on her deathbed surrounded by friends and family in 60+ years. I have time enough to establish and build on hundreds, thousands, of habits. Why rush with odds stacked against me? Why attempt something with a 10% success rate, when I could do a little less with a 50% success rate, or even less with an 80% success rate? I'd rather take the better odds, knowing that I am more likely to achieve the original goal in the long run, even if it takes longer than I want. 

Failure has been friend and foe, but I still want to do everything I can to avoid it. When was failure your friend; when was it foe? Comment below. Until next time, find your factor...

JJ